I am a lesbian who accidentally agreed to a date with a man. What should I do?

Note: A couple weeks ago, I posted this on another relationship subreddit, but I think it was removed quickly because it involved a breakup. TLDR: I am looking for advice/input on whether it would be fair to reach out to an ex (we broke up due to my job and my lack of energy) before I die of cancer. I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I’ve (mostly) come to terms with the fact I am likely to die from said cancer, and somewhat soon. And yes, I know I should be fighting, and I am still in treatment. However, based on what my doctors say and discounting any miracle developments in medicine, I don’t think I have all that much longer. A bummer, to be sure. That being said, I am also a sentimental and regret-filled human being, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s any catharsis to be had in reconnecting with an ex of mine. This ex is not my most recent girlfriend, or the one I was with the longest, but she was the only one I ever thought I could live the rest of my life with. We met at a very inopportune time, while very drunk and lonely at a birthday party of a mutual friend. I had just taken on a bunch more work, and was hitting my stride as an attorney. She was already settled into her job as a vet tech, and looking to settle down into a healthy relationship. We had a very loving, but troubled, relationship for a little less than two years, which ended about a year and a half ago. As my work load got increasingly full, it became more and more apparent that I was not what she needed. I would never be able to be the supportive, attentive partner when I was constantly stressing about my own work, or traveling for depositions. I knew this, but rather than being an adult and addressing that fact head on, I acted like everything would be fine. She was tired of me not having enough energy to do the bare minimum for our relationship. Even my sex drive had fallen through the floor during the worst weeks, just from the sheer stress and anxiety. Despite her attempts to coax me into attending therapy, I dismissed the idea, as I “didn’t have the time.” It seemed true at the time, but looking back now, it was bullshit. Rightfully recognizing that I was not putting the amount of work necessary into the relationship, she laid out an ultimatum. Either I devote more time/energy to self-care and the relationship, or she’d have to leave. I told her that I didn’t think I could devote anymore of myself to anything but work. I considered myself in “survival” mode, while I paid off the most predatory of my student loan debt. She didn’t like my answer, but we agreed to go our separate ways. We talked a few times after that, mostly around our birthdays and holidays. Looking back, not investing in that relationship is my biggest regret. The ones that came after that seemed hollow. I don’t think I ever loved someone the way I loved her. I want to let her know that, and maybe reconnect for these last few months. I also recognize that is a very selfish impulse. I’m looking for input here. What would you do in my place? In hers, would you want to know? Edit: Because I was a little bit vague about my intentions, I wouldn’t want to do anything but reach out and let her know how much the relationship meant to me, and how much I regret letting it break down. I wouldn’t expect her to come see me, or keep regular contact. I’ve since moved back in with my parents, in another state, while I was in treatment so I don’t think it would be plausible to strike up a relationship again, and I don’t expect to. submitted by /u/sumwhatz [link] [comments]

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