I (27f) don’t know if I should marry my fiancé (29m)

Throwaway and names changed. In the most “what the fuck” moment of my life, my (36f) husband Eric (33M) found out his 12 year old son does not exist. At all. This isn’t a huge surprise, I’ll g

Clarifying How Flairs Work: What They Are, Where to Find Them, and How to Use Them We've noticed a lot of confusion lately around how flairs work, what they're for, where to find them, and when to use

Respond to this thread with examples of frequently asked questions. Please include at least two links for each frequently asked question. We'll discuss answers for these questions in a future sticky p

Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here. Remember our rules, be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation. Please report any rule violations using the report button. submitted by /u/AutoModerator [link] [comments]

I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly off? Everyone's all "A+++ would ride again." Same for eBay, Amazon, etc. You can think of /r/relationship_advice comments in much the same way, only inverted. Just about every post here talking about a problem is going to be a magnet for "break up with them" and "get rid of them" comments. Two things to keep front of mind when you're submitting: The vast majority of people posting here are posting because they've got a challenge they probably haven't been able to resolve on their own. In many cases, these challenges are either insurmountable or exceedingly difficult to manage. The majority of commenters aren't necessarily cynical/assholes, but combine both a one-sided account of what happened—your account—with each commenter's own potential history, grievances, etc., and the resulting brew is pretty dark, meaning that every post will get drenched in comments suggesting ending the dynamic. The number of serious comments suggesting an alternative to ending things is a good way to tell whether or not there's merit to, well, ending things. I'll carry that Uber analogy a bit further: Let's say you're asking about behavior that's so bad, the red flag's basically bleeding. Nearly every single comment will tell you to run, and you're having a hard time finding well-reasoned counter-arguments to it. Sounds like running is good advice. Zero stars on our inverted Uber scale; the relationship is cooked. Together but your s/o cheated on you once? Most comments will probably tell you to run because "once a cheater, always a cheater." Some comments might suggest you should stay and work it out, but the details of how the cheating happened might vary the number of these comments. Great; One or Two Stars. Married but your s/o got drunk and made out with someone else, felt awful about it, immediately left the event where they met that other person and told you what happened and apologized with no prior history of cheating? Many people might still tell you to leave (same reason), but odds are good that a fair number of people might suggest staying. Awesome; Two, maybe even three stars. Good relationship with your S/O but they forget to treat you in the love language you normally need to thrive? Maybe they forget to bring you token flowers/trinkets or other signs of appreciation but otherwise everything's pretty good? Many comments will probably be advice on how to communicate; there'll probably still be a good number of people suggesting you should just leave, but you can take these with a grain of salt. Three to four stars. Everything's rosey and you're looking for a way to celebrate your s/o's special promotion, anniversary, birthday, or something else? There'll be a few trolls who tell you to break up for asking the subreddit for advice, but it sounds like the relationship is four to five stars. You can apply this to any type of relationship question asked here. Platonic, professional, and other relationships that aren't exactly romantic, this still works. You get the idea. Basically, the people telling you to leave probably outnumber the people with less jaded opinions by an order of magnitude because many, many people have had shitty experiences that dominate their memories, so the best way to consider most advice here is to see whether other advice shines through the cosmic negativity background. If everyone's telling you to break up, that's probably what you should do, but if 1/4 of the comments are telling you another way, you'd benefit by giving that 25% a chance. TL;DR: The vast majority of comments will tell you to end things. It's a side effect of the fact that many people reading either have a very dim view of relationships or just do it for the drama. The more people tell you to consider something other than running, the more value there is in trying that other approach, whatever it is. (inspired to repost this thanks to this comment by u/NotAmericanDontCare. Comments open for a little bit because I know some of y'all want to vent about this, but try to be civil about it.) submitted by /u/eganist [link] [comments]

Would you guys break up if your partner called you fat? At first, he started fat shaming one of his coworkers. Then, I told him to stop. I gave him a compliment about his body (because I KNOW he has his insecurities and I always try to make him feel good) and he said “I was never the fat one in this relationship.” I gasped. He says, “uh oh.” I start crying. He goes “come on, your body is perfect. You don’t need to change.” I told him I was hurt and when i didnt pick up or text him the next 5 minutes, he called me rude and told me that he got bullied for being skinny and that he’s really offended that I did this to him… i just didnt pick up the phone. submitted by /u/1copingmechanism [link] [comments]

Hi all, So.... I broke up with my first boyfriend on our 1 year anniversary (very amicably). We grew a lot together, and gradually found ourselves in circumstances with quite different life priorities. I'm going through my first breakup of my life (I started dating late to really discover who I am as a single person). That boyfriend and I started dating intentionally, with the potential of getting married together. He and I had everything aligned: attraction, values, characteristics. We were very compatible and rarely had any fights. Maybe 1 in our entire 1-year relationship, which de-escalated the next day. I have a bit of fear of: how will I find Mr. Right? I would love to hear just hopeful stories about how you met someone so perfect for you after your first breakup. I want hope. submitted by /u/ichbinmusik [link] [comments]

I met a girl at my university about a month ago. We talked about an org i want to start going to in the fall (she’s in this org). She asked me for my Instagram and said if I ever want to study to let her know. Well, summer came soon after and I live far away in another city from May - August. We had brief conversation over text, and I recently asked her about some school related stuff. However, I don’t really know if I should hit her up during summer to “maintain interest”, or just wait a few months until uni starts up again. Any advice? submitted by /u/h00dclassics [link] [comments]

So, I feel fine. I don’t feel sick, but my nose is blocked which I know is not hot. It’s not crazy bad, infact if you didn’t know me you might not even know. But with this sort of thing, I don’t want to get there only to be sniffing like crazy and dripping everywhere. I can’t miss this date. We’ve been a few so far, and it’s off a great start. I’m going home for 3 weeks the next day, hence why I can’t miss it. I also want to tell her that im really enjoying getting to know her, and that im into her when i see her so she knows. I want to keep this hot start going, and I’m afraid canceling, without being to see her for an ages will risk it fading. Anyone have a temporary fix, remedy or something that will save me for a night? submitted by /u/Valuable_Lychee_204 [link] [comments]

Typed out a stupidly long detailed explanation of a particular selection, then deleted it and now am going to try and just generalize my question as much as possible. How do you deal with the fundamental tension between needing to discuss the particular logistics about sex with someone who has HSV type 2 and the more you discuss it before you have it, the less sexy it is? submitted by /u/Lolzerzmao [link] [comments]

We went on vacation to a theme park a few months ago, things were great till after the second night at the park. I was exhausted, I told him I just wanted to sleep and not be touched because I was just exhausted and the day was hot and overwhelming. He took it in the worst way and threw a literal tantrum. He pouted and sulked and kept trying to wake me up. He wouldn’t stop saying there was something I wasn’t telling him was wrong. He even tried to sleep in the bathroom. He then pouted the entire next day in the theme park. I tried to get over it and move forward. Then on our road trip after the park to Vegas he told me to pick the music. He then read into the music I played and turned it off saying I was playing negative music. We get back and a few days later he lies about an ex and who it is, he claims they were just friends and later tells me he lied. A week after that he then throws another tantrum when I tell him I needed some alone time. Same thing. He flips out saying I’m not telling him what’s wrong. Despite me very clearly expressing it’s not him I just need some alone time. This behavior has happened multiple times. A week ago he told me he was confident it would happen again. We got tickets to a concert and all goes well during the show. We drink a bit. We get home and sit on the couch and I feel nauseous and tell him I don’t feel good and want to lay down and try to sleep. He took that personally and has another meltdown. I ask to please not be touched as I feel very nauseous. He wouldn’t stop touching me. I kept begging him to please stop. He storms out for about 5 minutes and then back in to ask for hugs and I tell him I don’t feel comfortable hugging him after he wouldn’t listen to me when I said no. He then forces himself on me and hugs me anyway. Even though while he does it I’m telling him please stop. I have kept my distance for the past week because I don’t feel safe if I’m being honest. He keeps claiming to be better now after his one therapy session. But I don’t know how to proceed. We got married fast in our relationship, I feel like I was majorly love bombed and now that we are married everything he is is coming out. submitted by /u/Princess-bunny [link] [comments]

I usually don’t come to Reddit for advice but truth be told I want some advice from so non biased people. My gf went to Canada for a getaway vacation with some friends and her brother. Not long into the trip she came down with a horrible UTI and was bed ridden for the first few days. Context here, she’s had a kidney transplant and when something like this gets out of hand it can make things extremely difficult for someone in her shoes. I’ve talked with her a little and convinced her to go to the hospital based off symptoms not getting better. I’m grateful she asked her brother to take her and even more grateful that she’s on the road to getting this thing sorted out. What I’m not ok with is being absolutely helpless and anxious as to not being able to be by her side. I understand that the situation is completely out of my control, but feel horrible. I’m normally not someone that sits by my phone and waits for updates but I keep finding myself checking my phone and praying I hear from her or her brother. Side issue, I did ask her brother to keep me informed. Not once during the evening nor the morning after did I receive any information about her being admitted. The only information I did get was that she had a kidney infection. Whilst all this is happening I see that he’s out continuing his vacation like nothings wrong. I wasn’t around whilst she went through her transplant but I know he was and to brush something like this off bothers me. I know I don’t have all the details but based off of assumption it seems like he doesn’t care. I’d hate to point any fingers as like I said, I’m unsure of anything. I guess the advice I’m looking for really comes down to how I go about keeping in contact without coming off as too overbearing and needy for any new developments. The last thing I want is for her to think I don’t care. Another thing I don’t want is for her to worry about me while she has all of this going on. I’ve called once 3 days in a row and sent maybe 5 texts. I know she’s weak and in pain so I absolutely don’t expect anything more. I just want to know how to love her better in a moment like this but you don’t really think about something like this until it happens. At the end of the day I just want to know she’s alright and it’s frustrating that the one outlet I thought I’d have in this situation left out some VERY crucial information. If you read all of this and give any feedback just know I really appreciate it. submitted by /u/Over_Revolution_4303 [link] [comments]

I just learned that the girl I was working with and have been basically flirting back and forth with has a boyfriend. I no longer know what to say, I’ve been told she had a rather flirty personality so she’s probably just being nice, and admittedly I do have problems with differentiating Romantic and Platonic talking. So I don’t know if she is actually flirting or just being nice. Honestly as a not really good looking guy, I think she is just being nice but I do really like this girl. So, I don’t know what to do submitted by /u/Griffin_Gm [link] [comments]

Feeling emotional right now and not sure what kind of response I’ll get. But hey I’m on reddit, I’ll take it like a big girl or delete the post if shit hits the fan. I’m genuinely confused about men’s perspectives of sex and women and what standards women should hold men to. You got men that say women who have sex are toxic, rebellious and wild and do not deserve redemption if they want to change bc they don’t take their standards seriously. Then you got men that say putting sex on hold is unnecessary (I don’t mean only waiting for marriage) and body counts don’t matter as long as there is mutual interest and respect. Or if the guy likes you or not you should just take the risk of getting your heart broken if he ghost you the night after just like a guy is risking his resources just to date a woman. I understand listening to men for insight but who am I suppose to believe bc I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m at a point where I genuinely don’t know what mutual interest looks like. The men I like never want me and the men that want me I just see as a friend. There’s this guy I knew who would have been the type of person I’d go for but I just couldn’t feel any romantic interest and it saddened me trying to give a rational reason to feel interested. I thought maybe I was being shallow and just needed to open up and give him a chance but I couldn’t. But then when I’m with a guy I like, I try to bite my tongue and try not coming off as desperate if he doesn’t call me, respond to messages right away or idk is cheap on dates (idk women are told it’s a red flag and still not sure if it’s true or not but I can’t help but notice a pattern myself). And I tend to question that waiting for sex isn’t important as long as I think the situation is going well. But now looking back, I was being somewhat manipulated and I knew to a degree but didn’t want it to be true. I rarely meet men I’m interested in so I tend to have a habit of wanting to hold on to them for dear life knowing I won’t find anyone else for another long while. I’ve never been quick to fall in love. Didn’t matter how attractive he was. I rarely have celeb crushes. I’m also wondering even if I decide to raise my standards and not make the same choices I’ve made in the past, do I deserve another chance in the dating market or am I too damaged? I don’t think I’ve become jaded, just confused how I should date and what I should give a pass. I also need to accept face my feelings of not feeling desirable, good enough for relationships and taking whatever comes my way just because I like someone. It’s done me no good and I’ve grown anxious from it. I’m not bitter about men, just not sure which men I should listen to. I want men to listen to women’s needs so why not listen to men you know? Like how long do I have to wait till I find a mutual connection? Feels like I won’t find anyone till I’m 90. Like where do you find men to like that actually want to date you? And how will I know if he’s putting in the appropriate amount of effort because one thing about me, I’m going to bring my dish to the table. I’ll always express genuine care and interest and it hurts when it’s not reciprocated. submitted by /u/Waxflower8 [link] [comments]

First of all, I don't live in an English speaking country so I may make some spelling and meaning mistakes, thanks for reading.18 I am 18 years old, I am preparing for the university exam in my country, I took it once but I was not successful (This exam is held once a year in my country.) However, I wanted to try again, my situation was good during the year. (I am preparing to enter the medical faculty.) But for the last 2 months, I have collapsed psychologically, both my studies have worsened and I have gained a lot of weight. (271lbs) Since I have been studying for this exam for 2 years, I have restricted my social life a lot, I had an average physique before preparing for the exam, I quit sports to prepare for the exam, I was normally social in high school, but I never had a girlfriend, and when I added these 2 years on top of it, I was completely overwhelmed. While my peers were traveling and having fun, I spent the best years of my life, I think I'm wasting my youth. I used to see myself as self-confident, competitive, brave, masculine, but I don't see myself like that anymore. I live with my family, although they are understanding, I am very ashamed of them, after all, they spend money in this process. Finally, as an 18-year-old (I will be 19 in October.) I feel lame, depressed and insignificant, I am in a really bad situation, I want to sleep and not wake up. Also, there are 13 days left for my exam and I don't seem to be able to score what I want. How can I get out of this bad situation I am in and become a strong man again? Or am I late in life? submitted by /u/Specific-Breath4892 [link] [comments]

I will often have things in boyfriend’s room that is girly or cutesy or his room will end up smelling like perfume because i sprayed some. We both think it’s ok but his friends kind of clowned him for it and said they wouldn’t let that happen to their rooms. I don’t really care about their opinions but now I’m curious on how other men might feel towards it. submitted by /u/FriendlyBranch3035 [link] [comments]

Hi! It’s my first time here and I wanted to ask a question. So yesterday, on the last day of school I had my first kiss with my boyfriend, it was a short but sweet peck on the lips and my hands were extremely shaky after.. I just wanted to know if that was like normal and maybe hear from other people’s first kiss too! submitted by /u/No-Macaroon9250 [link] [comments]

I had posted about a situation a while back. Before we dated, my now ex put all these standards on me. One was losing weight. I didn’t listen to you guys. I lost the weight and kept seeing him. Well I ended up pregnant and he convinced me to have an abortion. I still kept losing weight. Lost 30lbs but even then that wasn’t enough. He ended cheating on me. Last night was rough for me. I dwelled in my feelings and felt so sad mainly about the abortion. It’s been close to two months now and I’m still thinking about him. How do I move forward? I have fallen into a deep depression and can barely shower or go to work. submitted by /u/PurplePurple_1 [link] [comments]