How do you stay authentic in dating without becoming a people-pleaser or manipulator?

I always see people say they like thicc/curvy bbw. But when I see their 'type' usually the bigger booty/boobs. Skinnier waist/little chubby. What about the women with all the fat in other places? I lack a booty and nice boobs. And all my fat is in my tummy. What about body hair on women? submitted by /u/Ok-Coconut6163 [link] [comments]

Girlfriend car got written off, she got a unsecured loan for the vehicle and when she gets the insurance money for it, she thinking about getting another vehicle for the same amount she paid for, however she still have 10k to pay on top of her old loan. She wants me to cosign, but she going to be in school with no job for about 4 months. I’m making the argument that she needs to paid off her old loan with the insurance money she’ll get for the car and then use the remaining money as well as some of her savings to buy a older used vehicle instead while she’s in school. Now she’s upset that I won’t cosign for her. submitted by /u/Mental-Stealth [link] [comments]

New Edit: My boyfriend’s response is posted below in the comments per his request for those who desire to read “his perspective”. New edit 5pm MST: I have deleted my post in the abusive relationship advice subreddit due to my boyfriend becoming very upset that I posted screenshots that had his name in them. It was not my intention to do so I just genuinely am ignorant. Edit: I have seen some comments that made me feel it’s necessary to clarify, I (I guess arguably) do not dress in anyway that would be considered not feminine, I wear skirts and dresses often etc. the clothing in which is being deemed masculine/manly are crop top shirts that have short sleeves that are not rolled up but like sewn to be that way, boyfriend fit jeans or jeans in general honestly. I am also modest so I don’t show much, but the at doesn’t mean I don’t dress cute or feminine etc. I don’t think I am required to wear a full face of makeup everyday to be feminine and I don’t, especially not to sit at home by myself and do nothing. Now to add, if I dress in a way he approves of and finds feminine, and were to leave to do anything like that, I am then trying to attract attention or am “going out looking all pretty for everyone else and people are going to hit on me”. I don’t know how to better convey that the masculine/manly dress/presentation of myself doesn’t actually exist. It’s very confusing really because I don’t understand what I’m doing incorrectly and genuinely feel like there’s truly not a right answer? Hi guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Our relationship started well and has progressed through challenges a lot of which are the result of need for growth and learning. I want to preface by saying my boyfriend is a terrible communicator, but he has good intentions and doesn’t mean to be as hard and cruel as he comes off. My question is, am I wasting my time at this point? Am I ignorant and or naïve? There are a lot of things at play. We are navigating our communication issues with large improvements and get stuck on non communication issues. My boyfriend doesn’t think women and men can be friends which I loosely agree with. Now this applies to our issues as I am not the most girly girl, and my hobbies and interest don’t aline with those of most women, the world I live within as far as things people do everyday and participate in etc are mostly male dominated things etc. I have had a very sheltered life and did not make friend’s growing up and don’t have them as an adult and making them has been a strong desire of mine. When discussing my desire for friends it’s immediately turned into me just wanting to be friends with guys which I do my best to move away from because it has nothing to do with anything I am just wanting friend’s in general and am not seeking out male friends what so ever. (In case it’s pertinent, I build race cars, fabricate thing, build things, and other things more equally gendered like the gym, hiking, etc. I also do not entertain men, if I am completed while out etc I meet them respectfully back with “oh my boyfriend loves that to” or a variation that applies, I am a modest person, I do not use social media or post online etc.) There are also challenges with time I am not with him, if I go do some thing (which is rare honestly) regardless of what it is I am doing, he expects me to communicate with him (about nothing because I don’t have anything to say like neither of us do) constantly throughout my time out. I want to be able to participate in whatever I am doing and the need to be talking to him while I’m away from him makes that impossible, and if I don’t he gets upset and will blow me up and call me names etc. I was trying to talk to him today about how I feel some our our reasons maybe come from me not feeling comfortable or safe to be myself with him, as in reflection I have realized I have made changes in accommodation to his reactions and strong negative opinions on things etc, and his response was that he didn’t want a masculine girlfriend, that I should work out more on my butt and less on my arms, that the clothes I like make me look like a dike (long crop t shirts that come with the short sleeves like rolled once and sewn that way, and boyfriend fit jeans, I also train horses so flannels/button downs are common and he feels those are manly and masculine). He said he “doesn’t want people to see us and think why is he with a lesbian”. He said he’s attracted to me when I wear dresses and makeup because he is a straight man, and not so much when I don’t. He believes that guys only want to fu** me, and are incapable of being friends, that they are just waiting in line and there’s no other reason they could desire friendship. I don’t even know why exactly I’m making this post and it likely is difficult to read, hard to fallow, and I apologize for that. I guess I want to ask am I delusional? Am I/my opinions the problem? Is he right? Do I need to work on myself and why I think and feel the things I do? Thank you for your time. submitted by /u/WestIncident7728 [link] [comments]

I am 33F, divorced, no kids. I started dating again about a year ago and it feels like the only men who are genuinely interesting to me have been older, in the 40-50 age range, I find myself attracted to them as they have been more mature, relaxed and confident with who they are and what they want and are looking for. I met a guy who is 48, he is kind, hard working, we enjoy each others company and share similar interests and values. Sometimes though, I feel insecure with myself and being enough for him as I am so much younger and have experienced so much less “life” and when I look at our lives long term, it feels like we are in different stages of life, he is very set in his routine, he has older kids and at a different stage in his career. For those men who have had relationships with younger woman, what are some of the struggles you faced, were they easily overcome? submitted by /u/justsomewine [link] [comments]

So I went on a date with a younger guy and this was my first date in a while. We met through a dating app and we had been talking for like a month. We hadn’t met up cause of our schedules. Finally met. The date was kind of rushed cause we went late and didn’t realize the restaurant he suggested to go to closed within an hour. So it went well and throughout the night he kept saying he wanted to bring me back to that spot because it’s better during the day I kept saying ok. So the date went ok. He didn’t really look like his pics but I was willing to look past it lol. As we walked back to our cars he made a comment that I didn’t text him all day and I told him I didn’t because we were gonna see each other anyway after work. I think it bothered him. But anyway we get to my truck and he kind of waited there and it got awkward and so I just said well it was nice meeting you and gave him a hug then left 😂 I texted him when I got home and told him thank you for the date and he said no problem sorry it was late etc. The next day I texted him but at night and told him hey how are you and he never replied. He still has me on social looking through all my stories but ignored me. What happened? Is it soft rejection? lol I’m just confused cause he kept repeating he wanted to come back with me. Idk if was towards the end where I told him bye. Or maybe he didn’t like me. Any thoughts? submitted by /u/insideoutburger_ [link] [comments]

I wouldn’t want to stay married for longer than 10 years so preferably 80+ submitted by /u/Immediate-River-874 [link] [comments]

super annoying to read a widely repeated post i know but i was curious… i always thought men liked it / preferred it smoothed out but last night my partner whispered in my ear while touching me down there that he can feel my hair growing and i got shy & i replied “sorry i forgot to shave today” and the guy literally goes he likes it hairy. i was shocked lmao i thought he was into a clean poosay haha. submitted by /u/Puzzled_End1038 [link] [comments]

I (25M), in a very depressing situation rn. I am currently unemployed (facing rejection after rejection), taking care of my mother full time who recently found out has cancer, lost my father last year, graduated 1y8m late (university's fault), didn't get a funded grad program for this fall abroad, got betrayed by my 7y ex for someone "better". Till to this date, I felt like I never lived by myself. All I get is setbacks. Nothing goes according to my bare minimum expectations. I wanted a fresh start after all I have been through by moving countries and starting a new journey, but that didn't happen this year. I'm not sure if I can do it next year. All I want to know is if there is any light at the end of the tunnel? I have been in survival mode for years, and I can't get a break. I want to be loved, grow, work, want to be part of something, and experience what life has to offer. Instead, all I got are trauma and setbacks that I never expected. Does it get better? submitted by /u/_kozak1337 [link] [comments]

I found out my ex-girlfriend (18f) was cheating after the fact we broke up. She broke up with me because I got mad that she broke a promise and didn't want to speak to her for a morning. I was originally very distraught but eventually calmed down and we spoke mutually about breaking up. While having a respectful conversation about what we would like in the next partner she told me that she slept in the same bed drunk with another man. I asked her friends about it and they told me that she was initiating flirty conversations and being super touchy towards somebody whom I considered a mutual friend. When I found out I told her not to contact me I did not need any of my stuff back and then I mailed all of her stuff to her house. I haven't spoken to her since. That was Early-Mid May. I also want to point out that looking back on the relationship it was not healthy and nothing but toxic. I know I should've ended it sooner, but I didn't. She would hit me and draw blood and use my weed addiction against me saying she would tell my dad that I started up again. She would completely stonewall me when I had an issue but would interrupt me to speak her mind. She would throw fits when things were not about her such as telling me I ain't getting a birthday cake and I'm an “asshole” for accidentally finding out that she was baking one as a surprise or the time of my baptism when she told me she hated me and she wants me dead over her pants not looking "cute" yes I know I'm an idiot for staying but I will NEVER let a person treat me like this again or get in the way of the things and people I enjoy. In the last couple of weeks, I have quit my dead-end job to focus on losing weight for the military. I have already lost around 10 pounds. I've already got a 67 on the ASVAB and the only reason I have not gone too basic is because I can't pass a drug test. I have been drug nicotine and alcohol-free since we broke up and I just have to wait for the THC to get out of my system. I picked up my old hobbies that I forgot about such as playing the trumpet and playing basketball. I have also reconnected with some old friends that I honestly ditched for my ex. I love finding out who I am as a person and being him. One day I was at a Sonic and a girl (22f) came up to my car thinking that my car was her friend's car. After the initial shock and embarrassment of the situation, I made a joke about how she could eat with me in my car. That's exactly what happened. We swapped phone numbers and started texting each other back and forth. This happened towards the end of May maybe a week and half later the breakup. I would say that we are casually dating right now. We have been on a couple of dates over the last two weeks. Watched movies grabbed ice cream that type of thing. We have been calling each other little names like "darling" and "love". We don't do anything physical except kiss and hold hands. She's fun and impulsive and she's just as funny as my guy friends. When I'm around her I just feel upbeat and natural. I'm genuinely myself around her. I'm very sociable but I can be clumsy and awkward at times and every time that slips out it doesn't feel like a burden around her. She just laughs with me and adds to it. She goes to school, has a car, and a job which is more than my ex ever had. We both expressed that we are into each other, but we want to take it slow as well. In conclusion, I want to know if it's too early to move on to this new girl with the situation and the timing. I feel almost guilty, but I don't know if that's just because I have gotten used to abusive and toxic relationships. Thanks for reading and hearing me out! TL;DR; : Abusive ex cheated I already met somebody In a span of a month is it okay to move on? submitted by /u/Ok_Toe_1014 [link] [comments]

I (20M) never dated before, and just tried using tinder for a week before deleting due to anxiety. I was doing fine before, but I'm feeling anxious even after deleting the app. I kind of had an awakening that I'm alone and might not be able to find a partner (only got 1 match) stepping away from the app feels bad, I feel impatient and want to solve my problem right away I think I have some ocd issues involved. I sometimes think about scenarios where I confess my bad actions to my future partner, and wonder if they would accept me. I also worry about bad things I'm doing now, and if I try to be better it would only be for self interest I've been so focused on dating I've been putting less effort into my current relationships with friends and family. This makes me feel worse because I feel selfish and think about how my partner would view this Does anyone have any advice on how to start feeling better, or what you would do in my situation? I'm not sure if I should take a break, keep trying to date, or maybe speak to a counselor. Thank you! submitted by /u/Crafty_Slip_835 [link] [comments]

I made a post a few days ago about my marriage (original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1l1osxn/how_do_i_26m_explain_to_my_wife_26f_that_i_want/) and I wanted to say thank you for the overwhelming support I received. Since then I've reached out to some friends and a family member who lives nearby, and I'm planning to leave my wife when she's at work. That being said, I can't help but feel extremely guilty for leaving in that way. I've prepared a message to send her before I block her, explaining myself and my reasoning for leaving (because I feel it's not done correctly, but I can't go any other way). I'll miss the house, my animals and I'm sure even the comfort that the relationship gave me. I know being uncomfortable is impossible to avoid, but it's got me so anxious. The thought of leaving terrifies me, but after it's all said and done, and I imagine myself alone, I know I'll feel content and blissful. I know I need to do it, and it's the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong. We had a fight last week and she's been love bombing me, but I feel numb and just want out, but because of this I feel like a very shitty person. I'm afraid of life without her, though I know it will be better. In the mornings, I'm gung ho and excited for it, but in the evenings I have immeasurable self doubt. I don't know, are there any ways to curb the sadness/guilt I feel? submitted by /u/AnimalIntelligent797 [link] [comments]

I (26F) have been under an immense amount of stress lately. I’ve recently become a business owner which is a dream come true. I own a dog salon where I am also one of the head groomers and I love it so much. That also means that I basically deal with a lot of barking, loud blow drying and customer interactions ALL DAY. Despite the fact that I am very out going and personable, I am also someone who needs my quiet downtime. I need to decompress for at least 2-4 hours in the evenings after work. I love my Fiancée (27M), obviously. He can talk an ear off about just about anything and has a story for every occasion. And I love that about him! And a lot of times, he will have one sided conversations in which I can’t get a word in edge wise and he’s mostly just talking because he’s excited about something and needs to talk about it. He’ll go on for like 20 minutes, uninterrupted. I don’t want him to change at all. HOWEVER, when I get home from a long day, covered in sweat and dog water and dog hair, the last thing I want to do is sit down and be talked at for 2 hours. Granted, he is very bored atm. He’s starting a new job soon so he’s had a ton of down time and alone time at the house. I love parallel alone time, where we’re both quietly hanging out, watching a movie or gaming, but sometimes when I’ll be trying to game or browse Reddit or watch YouTube, he’ll start talking and I just don’t have the mental capacity to pay attention to him and then he gets upset saying I’m “ignoring him” which, yah I guess I am. Today, I almost lost it. It’s my first day off in almost 2 weeks because on my “days off” I still have admin work to do for the business. So today I don’t have any work and we’re going to a concert. Super excited but it’s still gonna be a lot for me so I’m trying to rest in the 2 hour car ride to the hotel. So we’re in the car and I’m clearly on my phone trying to zone out and decompress and he’s just talking and talking and getting upset with me because “im not listening.” I had to hold my tongue so hard because I’m not looking for a fight but I genuinely am so mentally exhausted and I just want some time where I can just mindlessly zone out and not be actively listening to something or someone. Especially when honestly, it’s a topic or story or opinion he’s told me about in depth SEVERAL times before. How do I express to him that although I love him and I love his stories and opinions, I need him to shut the heck up and let me zone or else I’m gonna SNAP??? It’s not his fault at all. I love him so much and I know I’m having this problem because I’m just at the end of my rope but he tends to take things super super personally and I don’t want him to take it as a personal attack. Anyone else get what I mean? submitted by /u/terpi0-0 [link] [comments]

Let me start by saying that I feel pretty firm in my decision to divorce but sometimes doubt myself. I was 4 months postpartum with our first child when I discovered inappropriate texts on my husbands phone between him and his coworker. I genuinely wasn't even looking for anything so I was completely surprised. I confronted him and he was extremely apologetic and agreed to go to therapy as I told him it was not negotiable. Well I ended up having to repeatedly ask him to start therapy and it took 2+ months from the time he promised. Obviously that hurt and then he only stuck with it maybe 3 months and said that she gave him a lot of insight and he was feeling better about what he needed to do to make things right. For a time things improved in our relationship but I held on to a lot of resentment and it made me notice a lot of other inequities in our relationship when it came to household things and child care. Resentment built and my failing was not being communicative about this. I don't know what sparked it but a little over a month ago I snooped on his computer and found several conversations between him and other women with explicit photo exchanges. My heart was pounding but then I just kind of felt resigned. I brought it up that night and asked him to leave. He says he has dealt with a porn addiction since his teens and it escalated after we went through the major life change of having a child. He doesn't put any blame on the fact that we had a baby as the reason he did what he did and says he has always been ashamed. He did not make excuses. We are now separated and heading for divorce but he sort of pleaded his case today asking if maybe we could consider couples counseling and remain separated but not go through with divorce. He swears he will continue therapy and he doesn't want our family to break apart. I can't say it didn't make me doubt myself but I also have no desire to fix things. I wonder if anyone else has experienced a situation similar to mine and if you stayed with your spouse, are you happy? Did you get past it? Or if you did go through with the divorce, do you have regrets? submitted by /u/Successful_B4796 [link] [comments]

I (29F) went on a first date yesterday with someone (35M) I met on a matchmaking site about a week ago. He seemed like a nice guy, but he came on pretty strong from the start. Like calling me cheesy nicknames and saying he’s always thinking about me and stuff, which I didn’t really like, but I wanted to give him a proper chance. Yesterday we went on our first date and from the beginning he was being really touchy, kissing and pushing my head on to his shoulder and stuff which I didn’t really enjoy, but didn’t mind either. Anyways after the date he insisted on dropping me off and I gave in and let him drop me off. While on the drive he was talking about all the plans he had for us and it was just too much for me. This morning, I was taking the time to think about our date and I wasn’t really feeling it and wanted to break it off before it got too serious. While I was thinking, he texts me that he’s at my door and he had left something for me… I was really freaked out tbh, isn’t it weird to show up unannounced after a first date? He had left some flowers and food at my door. I’m asking this here bc my family is acting like this a sweet gesture and men just do things like this to express affection. Am I overreacting or is this not too much after 1 date? submitted by /u/Wide-Cardiologist-15 [link] [comments]

My dad, for all his flaws, in fairness is objectively quite successful - he's a mid-level manager at a big investment bank and makes around £130K (in the UK, salaries are much lower - average salary is £30K - so even just clearing 6 figures is a big deal). He expects me to follow suit, but I'm not that interested in a corporate career. I'm weighing up entering law but to be a prosecutor, or being a teacher. My dad is vicious about his disagreement. He thinks those jobs are "soul-destroying", "useless", that I'd be stagnating my life, be eating from food banks, and have no quality of life. He sees anyone who works outside of STEM as below him (my brother wants to be a corporate lawyer and even THAT'S not good enough!). His approval usually doesn't matter to me, but the comments are getting to me. It's just not nice to hear someone think this way. Any advice? submitted by /u/NiceCaterpillar8745 [link] [comments]

For the first time we finally got together after a night out. We have the same friend group, and we’v always gone out, and we talk everyday (not a lot, just conversations here and there). Well we were drinking and one thing led to another and she invited me back to her place and lost her virginity. Now up until this point, I know she’s done other things with other guys, but never actually gone all the way. Her huge thing was waiting till marriage. We’ve both wanted each other and said that during…When I tell you it was the most passionate time, it was, but now I’m not sure what to do. In the morning, sober, we were just talking and cuddling and kissing & then I had to go. We haven’t talked any more than usual, about the same. Am I crossing her mind? She’s definitely been crossing mine. I feel like I’m insane thinking about her so much now. We work together, have the same friend group, and honestly she’s been on my mind and the whole thing that I’m not sure how I’d even show up to work since she just seems so unbothered by it. submitted by /u/theoneguyj [link] [comments]

I am happily in a relatively recent relationship, this is talking as someone who was recently in the dating pool and through experiences of friends. Has anyone else noticed a massive increase of women hating men in the gen z (specifically like 18-24) dating pool? You’ll get to know someone and then they’ll start saying the most incelish and sexist stuff you’ve ever heard. Even on dating apps and first dates some men will be incredibly open about it, I’ve even seen it on profile bios. Don’t even get me started on anonymous apps such as yikyak. I’ve also seen men in public and at college parties and classes say this kinda stuff. What is causing this increase? Is it an increase or has it always been there? Could it just be my location or sampling bias? It feels like 50% of the men in the genz dating pool hold these views. These men are making women afraid to date, and imo pose a safety risk. I know a few women who even stopped dating altogether because of this. submitted by /u/Katekat0974 [link] [comments]

I think this is more of question for women but... What is going on with the "my man plays video games too often" posts? Is this just my personal echo chamber? I'm seeing a ton of it. I play video games. I'm a 38 year old man and I run an online business. I spend *a lot* of time on the computer between work and play. I'm not currently in a relationship and I haven't looked in a while but when I do - has the climate shifted such that this will be a problem for my partner? I've been known to go on month long gaming binges. All the bills are paid - is it still a problem? submitted by /u/Able-Lettuce-1465 [link] [comments]